The Battle of The Prequels
by Katia2
Summary: Immediately after the filming of ROTJ, George Lucas is trying to persuade his characters to be a part of his next movie...


Battle of the Prequels  
Humor  
By Mara Jade  
marajadesw@hotmail.com  
Disclaimer: Well here's a news flash: I didn't create Star Wars. This story expands on characters and situations created by George Lucas, and no money is being made. Enjoy!  
  
  
Battle of the Prequels  
By Mara Jade  
Act One  
Scene One  
(The scene opens immediately after Return of the Jedi. On the medical frigate, Luke is being treated for exhaustion, excessive burns, and electrocution, Leia is being treated for mild shock and a blaster burn. Both are asleep. In a side corner, Lando and Han are talking quietly. Artoo and Threepio are standing around not doing anything. Chewie should be on guard, but he is dozing lightly. Consequently, he doesn't notice when Wedge enters.)  
  
Wedge: General? How are they?  
  
Han: I think it'll be okay since they don't have to worry so much anymore.  
  
Wedge: Um...actually, that's why I'm here. George is on the warpath again.  
  
Lando: Uh-oh. Now what?  
  
Wedge: It's too late...he's here...  
  
(George Lucas enters, his arms full of prequel scripts and blueprints.)  
  
George: Hey, that was great! ROTJ is sure to be a hit!  
  
Luke: (Just waking up.) Yeah...great...superb...that really helps...  
  
Han: You okay, Kid?  
  
Luke: Would you be?  
  
Han: Point taken. Okay, George, what are you doing here?  
  
George: Well, I'm making some new Star Wars movies...(The news wakes up Leia and Chewie, and they join the chorus of groans.)...and I need some actors, so...who wants to volunteer?  
  
Lando: You're kidding right?  
  
Wedge: Forget it, man. I survived these three, and I'm not even a main character. My luck is sure to run out soon. Heck, I thought I was dead in the Battle of Yavin!  
  
Han: No way. Leia and I have plans.  
  
Leia: We're going to get married and run the galaxy from Coruscant.  
  
(Chewie rumbles)  
  
George: Well actually, Chewbacca, the life-debt doesn't apply if you and Han aren't in a movie together.  
  
(More rumbling.)  
  
George: I'm afraid I have to insist.  
  
(Louder rumbling)  
  
George: (backing off) Well if you feel that strongly about it, you can just say so. There's no need to become violent. What about the rest of you? Are you coming with me?  
  
Threepio: No more adventures! I'm not going with you...(Artoo beeps) Oh dear! Poor Artoo-Detoo thinks he belongs in the prequels! Oh, if anything happens to him I will never forgive myself...(more beeping.) I shall have to go with him or he is doomed! (Further beeping.)  
  
Luke: No, Artoo, we are NOT going to the Prequel System. If you want to keep any promises to George, you'll do it yourself.  
  
George: All right, that's two. Anyone else care to join the droids?  
  
Lando: I'm a busy man. I have gambling operations to run. Forget it.  
  
Luke: Let me get this straight. I work for you for nine years straight, my only rewards are losing my hand and getting electrocuted nearly to death, and now you want me to do it again? Have I got that right?  
  
George: It couldn't have hurt all that much.  
  
Luke: I vote we shoot George with lightning bolts. Let him see how much it hurts.  
  
Leia: I thought the Jedi didn't take revenge.  
  
Luke: Try to see it my way. What am I supposed to do, forgive and forget?  
  
George: What about the rest of you? (Everyone who died in the trilogy appears.)  
  
Ben: Not me. I'm getting too old for this sort of thing.  
  
George: But the prequels are a long time ago, so you'll really be younger.  
  
Ben: Oh. Well, okay then.  
  
George: That's three.  
  
Palpatine: I'll help! Do I get to shoot anyone else with lightning? (Luke groans)  
  
George: (glancing at Luke) Well, probably not. It loses support. But I'll think of something equally malicious for you to do.  
  
Palpatine: Cool! Yippee! Golly-Willikers!  
  
Anakin: I'd do it, but I don't want to turn to the Dark Side.  
  
Yoda: Have to you do. Your destiny it is.   
  
Anakin: Fine. But Luke has to promise to turn me back to the Good Side.  
  
Luke: I am NOT doing *that* again, Dad.  
  
Yoda: Have to *you* do not. Already done it you have.  
  
George: Great, that's five. Yoda, you should join us.  
  
Yoda: Help you I will. Hmmm? Yes!  
  
George: Great. Six. You are all livesavers.  
  
Luke: Yeah, see you in the afterlife.  
  
(There is general agreement from everyone who refused a part in the prequels.)  
  
Luke: And *now,* if there's nothing else, I'm going to catch up on some sleep.  
  
(Everyone goes to sleep except the people who are in the prequels.)   
  
Finis  



End file.
